A Few Things...

I've been slacking lately and not writing like I usually do, so here's a few of the things going on...

• I went to Disneyland with A, my little one, and A's parents for his step dad's birthday. It was awesome! We went on Pirates twice, Thunder Mountain twice (my girl's favorite), the Haunted House, Space Mountain, and over in CA. Adventure we went on Ca. Screamin, and Soarin Over Ca. We also ate at the restaurant inside of Pirates which was very special. I've dreamed of eating there since I was a little girl and finally got to go!

• I have been recuperating ever since. For some reason waking up at 6AM on Sat. and being up till 1:30 AM Sun. morning threw me all off. I have been achy and exhausted ever since. I'm hoping that the new Aryevedic vitamins I got today (recommended to me by my friend & expert herbologist, massage therapist, & aromatherapist Heather - see http://morninggloryessentials.com ) will help get my energy back up. It took 2 days for my calves to stop hurting from walking and standing in lines all day long. But it was worth it:)

• I've been incredibly crabby and irratable since Saturday's all day Mickey Mouse adventure. I don't know if it was just the fatigue or what but I have been on edge, grumpy, and impatient for the last few days. And it's not even PMS time. The only thing I did to try and excuse myself for the terrible mood I was in was to at least fess up to my girl that I was crabby and tired in hopes that she'd let my snippy remarks and impatient attitude slide. She did. The little darling.

• I had therapy with the Ex. and it was long and drawn out and all about the friggin cell phone I purchased for our daughter that he never agreed to and I let her use it and it ended up at his house and was somehow accidently lost. By the end of it I was getting pretty upset especially when I asked him to pay for part of the last few months it'd been "misplaced" & he started talking about how they pay for her Dr. visits and healthcare and they never gripe or ask for money from me. That's right because I went 5 years without getting a dime from him for child support or any expenses which consisted of preschool, doctor and dentist visits, clothes, baby sitters, and anything and everything that children require! I lost it in the session and said I couldn't listen to him anymore, and why was he bringing up all the things they pay for? What's his point exactly because if it's that the financial responsibilities have not been fair over the past year, then I'd like to say how un-fair they have been for the 5 years prior to this past year! And how I have paid for everything and had to beg my parents for money to pay my utilies or to even buy groceries! Okay - a little venting here... but then our time was up and we didn't really resolve anything, except he did finally say he'd pay half of the cell phone bill and would make a point to look for it. Fancy that.

• This morning when I dropped my cutie off at her dad's apartment, he met us in the driveway with the cell phone in hand. Hmm... funny how it suddenly wasn't so hard to locate after all.

• Today I am getting ticked off at A for no real apparent reason. And I did mention that it's NOT PMS time right? Well last week we had a good talk about some of our issues that haven't really been settled yet, and it went really well. Then we just went on with our lives as usual and suddenly today "as usual" is not enough. Our talk went well and I think we both left feeling like we'd accomplished something and we'd been proactive & constructive in our resolving techniques. So why am I disgruntled again and why isn't normal okay with me? I've been in relationships full of passion, but also full of drama, and the bad kind. Do I just miss the drama, and is the drama what created the intensity and therefore the passion?

• I had weird dreams last night, my boss was in it, at some point A was in it, it turned sexual but I'm not sure with who. I'm sure it must have been A because I definitely admire my boss but definitely don't feel anything in the sexual way towards him (I mean he's married and he's like a big brother or cousin or something). Then there's some fuzzy parts in the dream & it seemed to have gone awry and I woke up with a feeling of confusion and dis-satisfaction.

• One last thing - and hopefully a good thing (I'll have to let you know next week)... A and I are going on our weekend trip to Cambria Friday. Check it out - http://www.seaviewonburton.com/index.html I'm sooooo excited! Our first real adult weekend away! Woohoo!

I'll return next week hopefully with less crabbiness and some good stories on our "relaxed, wine and strawberries waiting for us in the bedroom, indulgent, no kids or family members" weekend. I said some stories - meaning I'll edit out the really good ones:)

LoLo

Giggle Fits

My little one came home last night after being on a trip with her dad for 10 days. I wanted to make sure we had some good quality time together before bedtime so we decided to continue playing the ongoing game of War we started over a month ago and never seem to finish.

We started to get a little silly and a little giggly as the game went on until at some point I had a mouth mishap when trying to tell her about my visit with one of our close friends and her little 6 mo. old boy. My words jumbled up and scattered out of my mouth in an odd array that did not make much sense at all. We both looked at each other for a second and then cracked up!

After that she tried to imitate my word scramble and couldn't get thru the first line without us both busting up, until eventually we were both rolling on the bed in fits of laughter. This lasted at least 30 minutes and I laughed so hard I cried.

It was wonderful!

I've had a pretty rough year. 2006 started off with a health scare, followed up by a surgery, a terrible birthday, a custody battle, and a whole lot of daily struggling just about every day in between.

I haven't laughed in... I don't even know how long.

So now I'm going to make sure that the rest of this year is full of silliness and giggle fits....

.... because the world magically looks much better today.

Another One...

Another Monday Day today - damn.

I am still trying to maintain somewhat of a sense of humor regardless. I emailed the following to my coworker in response to our boss' email entitled "Good news, Bad news"...

"Good news is we're having a keg party today at 3:30 and won't be here to care what happens with any of this.
Bad news is we'll be hungover & will need to sleep all day tomorrow so Chris will be handling all our work, please no phone calls; ringers will be turned off."

It gave my friend a good laugh, oh and Chris is our other project manager that decided he was slow so he'd leave at noon today. I figure he can cover for us tomorrow since we'll be busy recuperating and he'll be so rested from his full afternoon off.

Only problem with this is that there is no keg party.

A Monday Day

I have this thing I like to call my bad days - "A Monday Day". And yesterday was one of those days. It did also happen to be an actual Monday but even if it weren't it'd still be A Monday Day as they can be any day of the week Sat-Sun as long as one or more of the following descriptions fits the ______ day:

a nothing goes right day, an I want to crawl back into bed day, a don't bother me today day, a hurry up and be over day, an if you look at me wrong I might cry day, a do-over day.

Anyone know what I'm talking about? Ever have one of those days?

And why was it A Monday Day you ask? See below reasons:

• The alarm went off - I snoozed till I only had 30 minutes left to get ready (first sign I shoulda never gotten up)
• I called work to make sure my shipment was going out as scheduled at 9AM - it wasn't and wouldn't be ready till late in the afternoon and they told the client's driver to come back later - a 2 hour drive if there's traffic)
• Message on work voicemail - "My driver says he was sent away and that our shipment was not ready for pickup as discussed per yesterdays phone conversation. Call me ASAP w/an ETA on when it will be ready."
• Investigation of said shipment not being ready - email nobody bothered to send to me saying their was a power failure on the machine I needed for my work to get done and the supervisor said it could wait till the morning (forwarded email to me by morning operator when asked what the hell happened?!!)
• Physical discomfort - aching body accompanied w/multiple sneezes... getting sick!!!!
• Apology from supervisor for the no phone call I specifically requested if anything went wrong with my order - "Oh, my bad."
• Loads of emails and more work requests in from clients - papers piling up on desk burying me somewhere underneath as phone rings off hook (don't answer as I still don't have an ETA as aforementioned patience-challenged client requested.
• Work is done and shipment ready - Double checked work was done correctly only to find out no it wasn't, re-email instructions everyone seemed to ignore thus far, pull package from shipping, wait for confirmation work was re-done according to instructions, & re-check to confirm it was.
• Work is now really done and done correctly - need glass of wine and full body massage.
• Email client the shipment is on it's way - suck it up, apologize for delay, sound like total lier w/"power failure" excuse, and hope all credibilty is not shot w/new client.
• Take breath and think of wine/massage fantasy - rude reminder as I look at clock that I still have 3 more hours to go!
• One redeeming event on my Monday Day - My One and Only came home, made me dinner, and rubbed my back as we watched movies on the couch till I fell fast asleep:)

The Wife Thing

I'm not sure where or how this started...

I've known for a few years now that I wanted to get re-married some day, but I wasn't with a person where that was an actual possibilty, so it sort of got tucked into a small dark compartment somewhere far, far away and incredibly hard to access - until now.

There's been talk and it's been mostly him doing the talking...

1. when his grandmother said she liked me and that I was the best woman he's ever been with, he announced to her (and all bystanders) that he's going to marry me
2. when out with his parents one day he brought up that he wants our wedding to be intimate & wants to spend the money on a spectacular dinner and Dom Perignon rather than on a lot of extra guests
3. when he told me to look in my fashion magazine at an engagement ring advertisement to see if I liked that style
4. when we discussed our plan for the next year or so which consists of him getting a substantial raise, us moving in together when his lease is up, the saving of my paychecks for the downpayment on our house, getting married, having kids, and me quitting work to stay home with my little one and our new bundle.

So it's been discussed, and it is something that we both want. And even though there is no ring yet, and our plan is not actually happening yet, I have been secretly looking at this http://theknot.com/ and these http://weddings.theknot.com/weddingdress/bs_main.aspx?gowntype=1 and this http://www.bluenile.com/diamond_search.asp?track=dss&filter_id=8 and marking dresses, hairstyles, rings, and cakes as "saved to my notebook". I get emails about new wedding favors, and the newest styles of invitations, and bridesmaids' gift suggestions that I read and save in my personal email folder for future ideas. It's all coming back to me.

And here's the thing... I can finally dream!

It's been a very long time for my heart to even allow itself those long lost feelings of forever, of future, of home, family, and love. It is a wonderful feeling that I didn't realize I had missed so much.

I used to dream of doing "the wife thing" and somehow that dream got lost.

It is so nice to have it back!