LoLo's Loft

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I'm an ostrich.

Today I would like to bury my head in the ground like an ostrich. All this reflecting and self helping I'm in the midst of is making me want to sit home in my pjs all day staring at the dustballs under the furniture.

I'm definitely in a slump and feeling this way while at work is the pits. The fact that it's slow as hell at work and I have nothing to do but try to distract myself with other people's lives, issues, problems, jokes, sarcasm while reading thru their blogs is not really making me snap out of it. I guess I just have to embrace it for the time being because I don't see coming out of the funk anytime soon.

It's hard to explain really what got me here. My life has been so up and down and unpredictable. It wasn't all bad but there are definitely some scars that haven't healed and I'm tired of torturing myself and my A with my bags and bags of baggage. So I'm here dealing with it all head on wishing I were an ostrich instead of a therapy going, motivational speaker listening, pitiful and sorry assed frump of a human. Sometimes hiding and avoiding is just so much easier.

But since I am not burying my head anymore or pretending by being the ever optimistic one, you all (all 2 of you out there who visit me from time to time) may have to read some sappy sorry posts for a bit. Hope you don't mind.

While you're here send me some good vibes too, prayers, whatever you can... I need it. A just started taking meds to help his anxiety which I hope will help things between us too, but he is in his own world right now. So I'm kinda on my own here. But I think I should be in some ways since he's had to bear the burden of carrying my baggage around for the past 2 years, I suppose he deserves a break to carry his own baggage for awhile.

Since my little one is at her dad's this weekend I'll have plenty of time to sit in the funk without harming her in the process. Here's to self help and growth and enlightenment and to becoming a peacock some day.


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