Paranoia
Is there a reason why I get all tore up inside when I see my BF sitting next to a female co-worker who I'm friends with and is married and I shouldn't worry about either one of them but I do anyhow? I don't know why my imagination goes all wild and cooks up these scenarios of foot rubbing under office chairs and subtle but strong feelings being subdued until they burst out in work bays tucked far enough around the corner to allow some cheating privacy.
Am I out of my mind? Have I been reading too many celebrity gossip columns and watching too much smut TV that it's actually making me suspicious of my one and only? Maybe so, or maybe it's just that I've seen it first hand, on both sides, so I know how easy it can happen. It could also possibly be that I was with a man for 6 & 1/2 years who flirted and crossed the line and may have cheated, most likely did, and made me not trust him and that that is what has me doubting my current wonderful beau. But how to change old thought patterns? How to trust after being dissed, dogged, disenchanted by love? I'd like to NOT be suspicious and NOT let my imagination get the best of me, but somehow it sneaks up on me regardless.
Here's an example:
I walked in to talk to A (also known as my one and only) and the female co-worker (they're working on a project together right now) about an issue on their project. He was sitting at his monitor and she was sitting very close to him with her sheet of paper to check off. I just saw her foot lightly touching his jeans and it made me so, so uncomfortable. We all work very closely like this here so it is not an unusual sight to walk in on. But I'm not used to seeing my BF in such close quarters w/another woman. And YES she can be flirty, but NO I do not think she'd do that to me, and NO he is not the cheating type, and YES he is very loyal to me. He doesn't even go out drinking with the boys or make plans that don't include me or look at other girls as they walk by or any of that paranoia creating BS. He loves me and treats with with kindness and respect.
So I should get over my skepticism, yes?
Yes.
Am I out of my mind? Have I been reading too many celebrity gossip columns and watching too much smut TV that it's actually making me suspicious of my one and only? Maybe so, or maybe it's just that I've seen it first hand, on both sides, so I know how easy it can happen. It could also possibly be that I was with a man for 6 & 1/2 years who flirted and crossed the line and may have cheated, most likely did, and made me not trust him and that that is what has me doubting my current wonderful beau. But how to change old thought patterns? How to trust after being dissed, dogged, disenchanted by love? I'd like to NOT be suspicious and NOT let my imagination get the best of me, but somehow it sneaks up on me regardless.
Here's an example:
I walked in to talk to A (also known as my one and only) and the female co-worker (they're working on a project together right now) about an issue on their project. He was sitting at his monitor and she was sitting very close to him with her sheet of paper to check off. I just saw her foot lightly touching his jeans and it made me so, so uncomfortable. We all work very closely like this here so it is not an unusual sight to walk in on. But I'm not used to seeing my BF in such close quarters w/another woman. And YES she can be flirty, but NO I do not think she'd do that to me, and NO he is not the cheating type, and YES he is very loyal to me. He doesn't even go out drinking with the boys or make plans that don't include me or look at other girls as they walk by or any of that paranoia creating BS. He loves me and treats with with kindness and respect.
So I should get over my skepticism, yes?
Yes.
posted by LoLo @ 9:51 AM
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